I’m a dork, not that attractive, yet I still manage to go out on at least one date a week with a very attractive female that I meet through online dating websites.  The women that are on online-dating websites are full of self-doubt, tarnished relationships, and are indecisive as to what they are looking for.  That means the “average” guy can easily go out on multiple dates every single month.  There are thousands of women in your city looking to go out on dates any night of the week.  You simply have to take action and start approaching the many women in your city that are listed on dating websites.

The following is a quick action guide to start approaching women through online dating websites:

1. Step One: Introduction

Discuss why you think online dating works or doesn’t work.

2. Step Two: Mention something that stands out in her profile (humor, beauty, similarities)

You want your comment to be something that invokes an emotional response.  The emotional response should cause her to become defensive, but not upset or “turned off” by your comment.  A soft/sly remark is the best way to garner attention.  Make sure every email you send to each girl is targeted towards her profile.  After you create enough of these emails, you can start re-using them for similar situations.

3. Step 3: Tell her about yourself

One or two sentences here, make it quick and funny.  For example, if you are on a Jewish dating website, you might say, “I’m the Matzah king baby….will you be my Matzah queen?”

4. Step 4: Call to action

What you want her to do after reading your email?  For example, ask her, “If she was in Europe, what would be the thing she would want to see and do?”

5. Step 5: Sign off

Put your name, email, instant messenger account.  In the follow-up email you will want to include only your name and phone number.  Most likely the woman will email you back with just her name and telephone number.

As I sat astride my window seat at my favorite coffee house, I watched as a hipster couple sat on the bench outside. Sharing a gourd of Yerba Mate and donning skinny jeans with indie rock t-shirts, they sported matching fuchsia highlights and openly cuddled.

Across the way, nestled on a Tea Lounge couch, was a girl sitting herself. A few minutes passed, and a man enters, they hug awkwardly and sit, beginning to make small talk. As I (accidentally) listen in on their conversation, I realize I am a fly on the wall for *a first date*!

And then I hear the best words of all, “So, how’s JDate working out for you?” Holy grail, my friends: I got to be in on the in-person meeting of two JDaters. I have an old friend obsessed with this site, adding to the possible-comedy of this moment, and so I just had to IM her. She immediately demanded a total physical description of said man, any info I could get on his age/career, and if possible, a name and approximate neighborhood of dwelling. I swear, I could hear her fingers rushing across the keys, throwing herself in to the JDate search engine, as we chatted.

This friend of mine is somewhat obsessed with finding the perfect Jewish boy (preferably with real estate and a six-figure salary) to meet, marry, and mate with - ideally before she turns 30. As she just turned 29, the matter has become one of some urgency, and now her driving force in life - before career, friendship, or even shopping - is to get her man asap. Consequently, many of our recent conversations have gone something like this:

Friend: Aly, oh my god, where have you been?

Me: Right here…?

Friend: I haven’t talked to you in ages! We absolutely must go out and catch up.

Me: OK! Sure.

Friend: I have the perfect plan. There’s a Purim extravaganza this Sunday night at a mansion in Harlem. It’s only $40 a person!

Me: Um…I think I’ll pass.

Friend: Well, there’s another one this Wednesday. You have to go to one of them.

Me: What do you get for the $40?

Friend: Uh…entry?

I pass, and friend who desperately missed me five minutes ago then closes out our G-chat. Apparently, our experience at last year’s Chanukah party by this organization was not enough to dissuade her (we paid $30 each to enjoy a buffet of soggy latkas. We then were so hungry, we had to go out for sushi. Interestingly, it wasn’t kosher.).

I think that such ridiculous demands and requirements upon ourselves - must marry by 30, meet a Jewish guy (or whatever), have 2.5 kids and a dog by 32, just sets ourselves up for disappointment - and desperation. And what happens? You end up on an IRT train to Harlem on a Sunday night wearing your Purim masque, cash in hand - knowing ultimately you’ll be just as disappointed as you were with every other lame party. (And she is. She leaves every such event in bitter tears, swearing them off forevermore. Until the next one.)

As for the pair in the Tea Lounge, sadly the coffee date did not go well for them. After about 40 minutes of lapses in conversation and nervous laughter, they went their separate ways…and probably back to update their perspective JDate profiles.

All to be that fuchsia-highlighted couple on the front bench.