I recently had the exciting assignment, as part of my SheKnows.com column, to do a series of short video tutorials on adult toy store navigation and choosing your first sex toy.

The research for this project has been fascinating, and it opened up a host of questions that I’d love to throw out to all of you. We know toys are a fun option, whether single, or in a relationship - toys can spice up even the spiciest of relationships, but can they be the saving grace for when there is no spice at all?

I’m sure a lot of us remember the movie “The O in Ohio” with Parker Posey and Paul Rudd. For those who don’t, Parker Posey’s character being unable (ever) to orgasm with her husband … but finding her ultimate ’sweet spot’ with her first vibrator. This ultimately leads to the devastation of her relationship, and by the end of the movie, she discovers she CAN have good sex with a man, just not with the one she had been with, and finds her ideal mate (Danny DeVito).

It’s true that toys can help to break down boundaries, whether for pre-orgasmic women, or for couples in a rut, or just for those who want to have more fun. But the issue may be how to introduce toys into your life - or your relationship. Is it something to experiment with solo, or to broach together? And does the possibility exist that opening that Pandora’s Box (…or toy chest) with your mate can end up creating more distance than intimacy?

Would love to hear some of your thoughts and experiences.

A lot of relationship strife, whether you are together a month or 10 years, is about money. And a lot of it comes down to….who brings home that bacon. (er…apologies to non-carnivores)

The truth is, as the world evolves, relationships do. While 100 years ago, it may have been unheard of for a woman to earn more than ‘her man’, it is now a very real possibility. However, with this adjustment to the status quo becomes age-old stereotypes. Men are the breadwinners, the dominant force, they bring the bacon.

Whatever. My kind of man prefers not to eat bacon and is completely OK with ‘his woman’ earning it all the same.

Last year for my birthday, a close friend of mine gave me a Deepak Chopra work in order to introduce me to his teachings and philosophies. Since then, I’ve learned a lot, including the following quote attributed to him:

“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”

The need to earn more, be “better”, and have control are just that — ego. And while an idea of self and self-importance is important, ego has no place in an equal relationship. Neither does attention to who has the better gig or paycheck. Contribute as equals, be equals, and the relationship can survive. Care that Sam makes more than Sally (or Sally more than Sam), and you are probably doomed anyway.