Unrequited love is frustrating and insecurity-building and self-defeating and yet, it seems to plague a great many of us.

We fall for friends, or acquaintances, or people we barely know, and then drive ourselves crazy waiting for them to want us back. We begin to think we love them, that we are meant to be with them, and then we look for hints.

Well, look at the way he looked at me. Or that thing he said in passing. His last hug did seem to linger a bit…

When do we know if we are for real, or just deluding ourselves? And how do we know if we are engaging in perseverance or we are just closing ourselves off from meeting someone else?

I’d love to learn about some of your experiences!

When you are on a first (or any early) date with a guy, if you are a girl, you just may be feeling self-conscious about what you are eating. But relax! Check these tips I found in an Village article on dieting while dating.

Dieting on a Date

Sure, he’s cute alright, but is a night out with him worth the diet detour? Don’t worry; you can find love and still lose those love handles by following a few, simple guidelines:

1. Relax. By exercising and eating healthy 80-90% of the time, you’ve earned a little room to splurge. It’s all about balance.

2. Don’t starve yourself before the big date—you’ll do more harm than good.

3. When it comes to ordering dinner, look for a good balance between protein, vegetables and starchy carbohydrates.

4. Mind the booze. Don’t let being anxious over Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome make you forget about your slim and trim summer wardrobe!

How brave new world is this?

Apparently, there is a new entrant to the online dating scene - IntelligentPeople.com is a new online dating and networking community that gives intelligent people an opportunity to meet and form relationships, regardless of location, education and social status.

Note, the site gets to decide who they feel is intelligent!

Membership is intended for people with an IQ app. in the top 15% of the population. In comparison, you must have an IQ in the top 2% of the population to become a member of Mensa. People with an IQ in the top 15%, are said to be “highly intelligent”.

The concept behind this is highly intelligent people communicate and interact best with other intelligent people. IntelligentPeople.com was created on the basis of that fact. I’m not sure how I feel about this - it’s clearly a form of prejudice. What do you all think?

How do I become a member?
To become a member of IntelligentPeople.com, you will have to pass our IQ test required for admission. You may take the IQ test by pressing the join link at the front page. At the sign-up page, you must enter your name and email address. Following sign up, you will automatically receive an activation code in your inbox, and be able to start the IQ test. Please note that you can only sign up to take the test twice and only use each activation code once. This ensures that only people, who actually can pass the IQ test, become members of IntelligentPeople.com.

This warms my heart.

Even with all of us riddled with insomnia over a widespread recession, a nationwide love and money survey by TRUE.com, the leading scientifically based online relationship service, shows that singles choose love over money even in tough economic times.

The results:

– 95 percent of men and 87 percent of women agree that it does not
matter if you make more money than the person you are dating;
– 49 percent of men and 36 percent of women stated they would not curb
their dating spending in a tight economy;
– 87 percent of men and 80 percent of women responded they would stay in
a relationship where their partner had substantial credit card debt or
had filed for bankruptcy;
– 67 percent of women and 66 percent of men claim they have never kept
financial secrets from someone they are dating;
– 64 percent of men and 63 percent of women don’t tend to argue with
their partner about money.

Of course, it’s possible 80% of these people are not telling the truth. But still, it makes me feel good to read!

TRUE.com’s love and money survey also found the following:
– Dating or Bust, We Aren’t Scared of a Recession. In good times and in bad, daters will continue their search for love. After the No. 1 response of not halting their dating spending (see above), 20 percent of women and 23 percent of men said they plan to spend less on eating out and focus more on romantic dinner dates at home. Only 2 percent of men and 1 percent of women stated that higher gas prices will affect when, where, and how they date.
– Don’t Worry, Be Happy, We Have Money. Of those surveyed, 73 percent of men and 68 percent of women feel secure in their current financial
situation. The majority of respondents, both female and male, described themselves as the following when it comes to their finances: comfortable (women 46 percent, men 52 percent), confident (women 15 percent, men 19 percent), proud (women and men both 7 percent). Only 23 percent of men and 32 percent of women characterized their present financial environment as negative, choosing from terms such as embarrassment, fright or horror to describe their finances.
– Let’s Talk About Sex — or Money. When respondents were asked what
topics couples should talk more about (including money, sex, marriage,
parenting or nothing), results show that men and women definitely have
different priorities when it comes to discussing sex or money. Men
rated: sex No. 1 at 29 percent, followed by nothing at 22 percent,
with money in third place at 21 percent. Women put money talk in the
top spot at 33 percent followed by: nothing at 29 percent, marriage
at 16 percent and sex ranking fourth at 15 percent.
– Donna Summer Knows How People Feel About Money. Because individuals love music almost as much as they love money, respondents were asked to choose which song best represents how they feel about money. An
overwhelming majority (81 percent of women and 50 percent of men)
chose the Donna Summer’s 1970s disco classic “She Works Hard for the
Money.” It also appears that more men (5 percent) than women
(2 percent) associate with Kanye West’s song “Gold Digger,” and are
looking for women to take care of their financial needs. Other
responses include:
– “Money (That’s What I Want)” sung by The Beatles (men 22 percent,
women 3 percent)
– “Bill, Bills, Bills” sung by Destiny’s Child (men 10 percent,
women 8 percent)
– “Material Girl” sung by Madonna (men 5 percent, women 4 percent)
– “It’s All About the Benjamins” sung by P. Diddy (men 9 percent,
women 2 percent)

– Women Will Stand By Their Man, But You Better Treat Them Right. Less than 1 percent of women felt they should pay for the first date, while 78 percent of men believe it was their duty to pick up the tab. Good
news for men hoping to keep more money in their wallet: 25 percent of
women polled found splitting the bill was appropriate, and 22 percent
of women thought that whoever did the asking out should take care of
the check.
– No Substitute for Good Old-Fashioned Hard Work. One-third of men and women responded they have worked a second job to get out of debt.
After a second job, singles responded they accepted money from family
and friends (women 22 percent, men 16 percent) or cashed in their
investments (women 16 percent, men 19 percent) to get back in the
black.

I’m planning to move to a new apartment next week, and I found myself thinking a few times…”If I had a boyfriend, he could help…”

I wonder what this inkling comes from. Do we want to have a mate so they will do something for us? Or is it a matter of the support that comes with companionship? Because I’d love to have someone to help to move as well.

Relationships seem to in many ways define our lives, but also are defined by our lives…and it seems that every time a big life change happens, it makes what our lives lack - and what we wish to share - all the more acute.

Well, that, and I could really use some help with that heavy lifting.

This is so frightening. Many of us wonder if we will ever marry that someone special…but perhaps the question is, are we likely to meet that person (or any), at all???

The following are the results of a recent survey by online-dating service Chemistry.com:

• 63% of single adults think that a long-term committed relationship is important for a happy and fulfilling life, a larger proportion than those who value marriage.
• 50% of U.S. adults have a different opinion of marriage than their parents.
• 58% of U.S. adults think couples who live together in a committed relationship don’t need to marry as long as they are happy.
• 78% of U.S. adults say the divorce rate in the U.S. is increasing because people get married for the wrong reasons.
• 76% of single adults disagree that marriage is a top priority for them right now.

A fun survey of 5,000 singles passed along to me from our friends at OKCupid about how they approach first dates:

- Be courteous, and wear deodorant: 46% of singles say body odor is the biggest first date no-no.

- No need for a sobriety test: 42% of singles don’t drink on a first date.

- Failure to Launch, Part II?: 27% of singles want to know right away if their date still lives with their parents.

- Loose lips, better dates?: 82% of singles would rather have a date who talks too much than doesn’t talk enough on the first date.

One of my best friends is in the bridal party of an old friend’s out-of-town wedding this weekend. Sad at the prospect of going to this event unattached, she devoted the last few months to dedicated and thorough online personals browsing, in search of who may one day become her other half.

Well, as she boarded the bus Friday to said-nuptials, her only date was destructive rain and an overpriced gown. (Not an ideal combination.)

I asked Gail Laguna, spokesperson and online dating expert for Spark Networks (JDate.com, AmericanSingles.com, HurryDate.com, ChristianMingle.com, and BlackSingles.com) for some tips on how my gal pal may avoid such a hair-frizzing fate in the future. For all of you online-love-seekers, it’s advice you may want to take note of.

1. Post recent photos. If your photos are more than a year old, they are TOO OLD. With a nice, clear close up and a smile, you’ll ensure the person they meet is the person they saw in your pictures.

2. Make your user name pop. Avoid the question: “What’s with your username?” It doesn’t have to be brilliant, but it should signify some expressive detail about what makes you YOU. Examples: TennisTime, Luv2cook, SalsaDancer.

3. Don’t sell yourself short. You don’t have to summarize your life in one cliché sentence. “I am passionate about music, movies and walks on the beach,” is too generic. The first line of your “About Me” section should be interest-grabbing and unique to YOU.

4. Offer some encouragement. Often Mr. or Ms. Right just needs a little nudge in the right direction. End your essay with an invitation to contact you. The key is to come off approachable, or else your potential matches will be intimidated.

5. Avoid negatives in your profile. Nobody likes a bitter baggage Betty! Keep your profile positive and upbeat to avoid looking like damaged goods.

6. Follow your leads. Go to your inbox and reopen all of your email, E-cards and Flirts, and reconnect with those people that even connected with you only once.

7. Get personal. Send a personalized note to that person who caught your eye to show you really read their profile. It’s so much easier than walking up to a stranger in a bar!

8. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Fact: there are fabulous people with lame profiles and less-than-perfect pictures. By staying open-minded, you will be able to give potential matches the benefit of the doubt. When in doubt, weigh the pros and cons. You don’t want to pass over a diamond in the rough!

9. Cut to the chase, instant message. Connect with someone in real time. Check your hotlist and see who is online or go to the chat room and join the party.

10. Be proactive. Just like a work-out schedule, set aside 20-40 minutes a day to answer emails, fix up your profile, and send emails and E-cards. If you think there’s no time, keep in mind that you would dedicate at least 20-30 minutes a day to a significant other…so carve out that time now!

As for my friend, I still have high hopes for her. Everyone knows the best place to hook up is a wedding!

Men of the world, you can learn something from fish.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/233874_fishsex25.html

According to an expert at the University of Washington, a select bunch of deep-sea-dwelling fish engage in “sexual parasitism” — a phenomenon in which tiny male fish latch onto relatively gigantic females, melding into them — and they stay intertwined this way for life.

Brings new meaning to “You Complete Me,” doesn’t it?

Forbes just released its annual list of top cities for singles and now Match.com takes a closer look and shares insight into the health and fitness lifestyles of singles in cities across the country.

Cities where you will find singles hitting the gym:

1. San Francisco
2. Los Angeles
3. Boston
4. Washington, D.C./Arlington
5. Seattle
6. New York
7. Chicago
8. Atlanta
9. Philadelphia
10. Dallas/Fort Worth

Cities committed to healthy diets:

1. San Francisco: 60%
2. New York: 57%
3. Boston: 56.6%
4. Los Angeles:56.5%
5. Washington, D.C./Arlington: 54.5%
6. Seattle/Tacoma: 54%
7. Atlanta: 52%
8. Philadelphia: 52%
9. Chicago: 50%
10. Dallas/Fort Worth: 49%

Top cities for vegetarian lovers:

1. San Francisco
2. Los Angeles
3. Seattle
4. New York
5. Washington, D.C./Arlington
6. Boston
7. Atlanta
8. Chicago
9. Philadelphia
10. Dallas/Fort Worth

Top cities for the non-smoker:

1. San Francisco
2. Los Angeles
3. Washington, D.C./Arlington
4. Boston
5. Seattle
6. Atlanta
7. New York
8. Dallas/Fort Worth
9. Chicago
10. Philadelphia

Makes deciding where to set up your futon a lot more interesting…